where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
that may or may not have been my penis.
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