He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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