guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
