No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
