I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
