my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
