Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
