Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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