can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
