My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize