I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
