Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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