I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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