Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love having hate sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
