Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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