his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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