fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
