Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
COCAINE IS GR8
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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