If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
