Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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