the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
