I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
