census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
