Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
