a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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