Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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