Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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