I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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