dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
3pm strippers are depressing
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
