he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
