so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
