My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
