it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
