Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm at about main and main street
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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