I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize