Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
