I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
