They should really pass out barf bags in church
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
