ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i came on her dog
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
