I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
