my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
