i just google imaged poop.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
