Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
