Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
