first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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