Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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