Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
