i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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