Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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