remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
