I cannot find my penis.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
