walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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