I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
