Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm too high and old for this...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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