the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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