if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
