On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
