he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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