his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
