why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize