I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
