at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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