Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
