Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
