i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
