***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
