We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
