No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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