When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
