I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
