is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
