i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
