sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
