Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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