The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
