Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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