Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
