U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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