I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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