Cold hands, warm shart.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
