he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize