I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
